What I realized about myself after Justice Ride

In my previous post, I mentioned that I hoped that my life will be changed after I completed my trip with Created Equal, a pro-life activist group. I can attest to this. I did not realize the impact this trip would have on me until I had been home for a few hours. It was overwhelming. I communicated with God for a while and I felt a sense of peace wash over me. I cried. I prayed. I praised God from my heart. I totally opened up and let God have me. I am His. I am not my own.

I’ve had to admit a few things to God and make confessions. I had to take complete responsibility for my wrong choices and actions. I have been blaming, either directly or in my mind, people in my life for the wrong choices I’ve made. This has to stop. It is affecting my relationships with people I love and the creation of new relationships.

 I will never be whole and I will never reach the complete manhood every man so desires if I continue to live in “adolescence”. This adolescence I speak of is the fantasy world a man lives in where he does not take responsibility for his actions and continues to chase after things that may only temporarily please himself and where he thinks he knows everything and is right about everything, never taking advice or constructive criticism from elders, children, (Yes, children. We fail so many times to see through the eyes of children), wives, best friends, co-workers, and our bosses and ultimately, God. I draw a few of these facts from a book I am currently reading, Fatherhood Aborted, written by Guy Condon and co-author David Hazard, pages 25-26 (?). I recommend this book to men, whether post-abortive or not.

Man was created to have intimate relationship with God. Man was also created to have intimate relationships with our fellow beings, women and men both. Man, for the most part, has failed in this area. Man in America and other developed countries has been taught to hold emotions in a sealed package, to carry secrets and burdens on his shoulders, to prevent others from seeing into himself, to not share any of these feelings, burdens and secrets with others. Man is taught to just be the stereotypical (emotionless and adventure-less) man, to tough it out, to not cry, to not share, to pursue only the things in life that will make him a better man in the eyes of the world and other men. Man is either tyrannical (sense of control) over his family or intimidated (sense of failure) by his wife and children, failing to set his foot down and taking up his Biblical responsibility to be a leader who is a servant as well. Bottom line, man thinks he has failed God and that he can never restore his relationship with the people in his life and with God. The devil works diligently to discourage man and to make him think he is nothing more than a stumbling block to himself and others, destined to fail again and again.

Last month, I posted that I prayed to Jesus that he would come into my heart and go straight into the wounds I have in there and I will meet him there. I asked for a new beginning, for healing, for divine inspiration to a path to wholeness, to manhood. No, our sexuality and associated endowment or the lack of or sexual prowess do not define our true manhood, though our sexuality is powerful & potent and affects many areas of our lives. I wanted to be the man Jesus himself was. He was lowly, humble, lived a life of compassion, and was a servant to the people he lead. Yes, a leader is one who is a servant, the one and the same. I do not see myself as a leader (a huge leap of faith here), but I know I can become a better servant. My pride prevents many of these things. I hate it so much. I hate my pride. I hate it. It prevents me from complete humility. I have to get rid of it and it will take a conscious effort to do it. Many negative thoughts, such as anger, envy, jealousy, and pride come into my mind involuntarily and I must make a habit of thinking on the good thoughts of forgiveness, generosity, compassion, and humility at ALL times to counter these negative thoughts. They are the work of the devil. I ask for the grace of God and power to help me with this.

Now, having said this, I have a burden lifted off of my shoulders. I basically got rid of more of my pride when two different people, a man and a young woman came to me last week during my trip. As I was talking to them, the subject shifted to my faith and my walk with God. The young man at the University of Florida questioned me about my faith and my belief that God existed. The young woman at the University of Central Florida, Grace was her name, questioned me about what I defined as true repentance and whether I knew and practiced the Great Commission (Ezekiel 3:18-21). I had to admit that I did not know the Great Commission, though I had heard of it and that I did not practice this. I had only merely tried to be a witness through my actions and I have failed in this area. My actions have not very often been void of carnal reactions to situations. I was quick to anger, quick to blame others, quick to sulk when I did not get my way, and quick to negative thoughts that affected every area of my life. Realization began to dawn on me as I was reading Fatherhood Aborted (I have never participated in an abortion of a child. I read this book to understand so I can help others.), that I must take responsibility and to stop letting my carnal flesh control me. I must turn my carnality over to God and be accountable to God. I know full well that He can restore me and make me whole again. I know He will make me a man, His son.   

My faith in God has increased. My prayers were answered last week. He never fails me. I want to get closer to Him through dedication to daily devotion and prayer. I understand the risks of following Jesus, but I am willing to take the risks!!

I need to go. I am going to work on my journal this week and will transfer everything to the blog about the Justice Ride. Check back later this week, if you will.

God bless! Have a wonderful Sunday and week!

Sen. Mark Rubio's quote on Life

"There is nothing that America can give this world right now more important than to show that all life -- irrespective of the circumstances of its creation, irrespective of the circumstances of its birth, irrespective of the conditions of that they find themselves in -- all life, in a planet where life is increasingly not valued, in a planet where people are summarily discarded, all life is worthy of protection. All life enjoys God's love."

-as quoted by Sen. Mark Rubio on "The Left's War on Babies". It received standing ovation.

Now the Left has called Rubio's quote his "war on women".

Here is the article the quote came from: The Left's War on Babies

It's sick. For those of you who think Obama is stupid or faltering as President, he isn't. He knows exactly what he is doing. He simply wants Socialism in this country and he's doing a great job at it. We aren't fighting it hard enough or are simpley ignorant and allowing it to happen. People need to wake up and smell the sewage, but then again, don't you think we deserve it? For the evils we have committed as a country? We've shoved God out of the picture and this is what happens. Need proof? It is written again and again in the Old Testament. Israel turned her back on the Lord and they received the wrath as punishment. When she turned to God, He blessed her and prospered her. He will do likewise here in America if we turn back to Him and follow Him in obedience. We need REVIVAL! In the meantime, let's pray for those who aren't able to stand up for themselves and let's stand up for them!

Then Asa cried out to the Lord his God, "O LORD, no one but you can help the powerless against the mighty! Help us, O LORD our God, for we trust in you alone. It is in your name that we have come against this vast horde, O LORD, you are our God; do not let mere mortals prevail against you!"

~2 Chronicles 14:11 NLT

This is one of the Scriptures in a long list of Scriptures I was emailed by Paula Harrington, wife of Mark Harrington, director of Created Equal. She advised us Justice Riders to go over the Scripture and pray over each of one in preparation of the trip we are making. The Scripture she listed provides reminders and encouragement that God is in control and that He will be with us. I remind myself of Jeremiah who doubted his ability to send the message to his people. The Lord asked Jeremiah who made his mouth and the Lord reminded Jeremiah that He himself made his mouth and will put the words in his mouth. I have asked the Lord to work through me and to speak through me and that I am His.

God bless.

Love you all.

Abortion and Justice Ride, my trip.

     In a few days, I will be embarking on a trip that will probably change my life. Hopefully for the better. I will be going on "Justice Ride", a trip made by a team of dedicated members fighting for the lives of the unborn. It is organized by Mark Harrington and Seth Drayer of Created Equal (link). Here is the flyer for Justice Ride: Justice Ride Flyer (.pdf)

     Pretty neat, isn't it? It's also pretty serious. It's not to be taken lightly. We realize that the wry devil will fight us from all sides and that we will definitely need to lean on the power of prayer. Not only on our own but also on the prayers of many supporting us, so please pray for me and my team this weekend and next week. Take a moment to pray. It may seem a trivial matter, but considering that 53 millions lives were ended abruptly in this manner, it is a big deal. In Germany, if you were to deny the Holocaust, you most likely *WILL* be thrown in jail. Here, it's just mosey along past the abortion clinic, no big deal; it's just a choice. This is the modern day American Holocaust on the soil of the greatest country in the history of the world.

     Abortion is an abhorrent sin, an evil that is unknowingly tolerated by a majority who don't realize the seriousness of this issue. It is murder. In the daily news, we hear about suspects and murderers being arrested and sent to jail or going to trial for possible conviction. Likewise should be done to you if you were to support, in any way, abortion, or "choice". Likewise also, if you were to commit the sin of omission; that is, to not pray, to not take action, or to not support the fight against abortion. There is so much detail I could go into, but the post then would be too long. I will just post a video that I VERY HIGHLY recommend you watch. It is only 33 minutes long (hey, we have no problem watching a 2 hour movie riddled with sinful acts highly praised by Hollywood and the world). It is from the website www.180movie.com and this is similar to what we will be doing. We will encounter these kind of people and we pray that we can change their minds about abortion, or rather, simply, the MURDER of a people. Yes, the live fetuses in the wombs are a PEOPLE, just like us adults! You can also "Like" their Facebook page: 180Movie. Here is the video:

     I am going to do my best to keep you updated on my trip. You may see more updates and more photos uploaded via my Facebook or via Twitter @Caffieecionado. In the meantime, I ask you to pray fervently for all causes you can think of, including this one. We will be traveling over 2,000 miles in vans and staying at multiple homes and provided housing on college campuses and churches. We will have God with us and He will keep His hand on all of us and keep us safe. I have faith and I trust Him. 

Until next post. God bless. 

Amazing Grace!!

I've learned so much about grace and I still don't understand it all and I still don't deserve it. But God gives it freely as He always has done, still gives it today, and will always give it! I am so undeserving of it and mercy. Here are the lyrics, even if you know it, it's still nice to read it. This shall be my song for today. 

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.

When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

Note: HIS PROMISES ARE ALWAYS FULFILLED! I rest in this blessed assurance!
Double note: There's even a song called "Blessed Assurance"
One can never write enough songs about praising God and what He has done for us. Yes, even you, even if you don't believe. Today is the day to believe and accept Him! 

God Bless and have a great Sunday! 

Aching hearts want something...more

*anything highlighted is clickable and will take you to the link
Our hearts, if not filled with the Holy Spirit, ache for something more and we look in all the wrong places for it. We make gods out of our material goods, hobbies, relationships, sex, masturbation, porn, TV, sports, sports figures, Hollywood, and Christian services. 

My heart wants something more. I want to be free of the desire of the things I have had or want. I know, I know I cannot fill the void I feel in my heart with any of these things. I must surrender to Jesus Christ and He will be glad to fill that void. Many a time, my relationship (which has never been stable or increasing in closeness) has been lukewarm and Christ says that He will spit out the lukewarm. Revelation 3:16 I've delved into consumerism, charity, and then Christian service in order to "feel good" and to "feel better." What good is it if it is not in line with God's will?? It isn't. My desire now is entire sanctification, to set myself apart, to chase after God's heart, and to let God use me. I do not want to miss out on the most that has been offered me, a home in Heaven, my own golden mansion and the privilege of worshiping the Most High for eternity.

The following are quotes and passages that I've come across in my readings that have to do with the aching heart:

"There is only One Being who can satisfy the last aching abyss of the human heart, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ." -Oswald Chambers

"We are half-hearted creatures fooling about with drink and sex and ambition [and religious effort] when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." 

- C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

Detachment is the word used in spiritual traditions to describe freedom of desire. Not freedom from desire, but freedom of desire....An authentic spiritual understanding of the detachment devalues neither desire nor the objects of desire. Instead, it "aims at correcting one's own anxious grasping in order to free oneself for committed relationship to God." According to Meister Eckhart, detachment "enkindles the heart, awakens the spirit, stimulates our longings, and shows us where God is. " -Gerald May, Addiction and Grace

Yet dearly I love you and would be loved fain;

But am betrothed unto your enemy;

Divorce me, untie or break that knot again,

Take me to you, imprison me, for I, 

Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,

Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

-poem by John Donne, "Batter My Heart"

What indulgent lovers [of addictions and personal gods] have in common is the pursuit of transcendence through some gratification that is under their control. (emphasis added by me).

-Brent Curtis, Sacred Romance

If we try to gain transcendence through indulgence, soon enough familiarity breeds contempt and we are driven to search for mystery elsewhere. The man having an affair must have another and the man who is an alcoholic must drink more and more to find the window of feeling good.

-Brent Curtis, Sacred Romance

Addiction is the most powerful psychic enemy of humanity's desire for God. -Gerald May, Addiction and Grace

There are more, but I thought I'd end with one last quote from the Author Himself.

Face the awful sins you have done.

You are like a restless female camel desperately

searching for a mate.

You are like a wild donkey,

sniffing the wind at mating time.

Who can restrain her lust?

Those who desire her don't need to search,

for she goes running to them!

When will you stop panting after other gods?

But you say, 'Save your breath. I'm in love with these foreign gods,

and I can't stop loving them now!'

Jeremiah 2:23c-25 NLT

Like Israel, we have fed our desire. A desire that has been placed in our hearts by God Himself. Except only that we have fed our desire with the wrong things and we are quick to betray God and turn our backs to Him when we know what we truly desire, an intimate relationship with Him, as Adam and Eve had before the Fall. 

God Bless.

 

Jeremiah

I am going to read Jeremiah and study it. I feel led to study that book. 

What are some things you have learned from reading this book? 

What are some things you can point me to that you think will help me in my walk with Jesus?

I will post a few things up here as I cover the book. I would really appreciate any feedback!

God bless. Have a wonderful day.

Divine Direction

The Godly need divine direction or else they will stray. Many times, we all make impulsive decisions or react rashly without thinking or praying. This can create grief and regrets. Asking for divine direction will lead us straight and true and will be very rewarding, either now or later.

In the case of David and his army's men whose homes had been plundered and burned by the Amalekites in Ziklag, their wives and children captured, it is easy for the men to rage against their leader, David, and for David to revenge his men because of his loss. David instead asked the Lord for divine direction on what to do next. The Lord gave specific instructions on how to destroy the Amalekites and to retrieve their plundered goods and their wives and children. They had the victory! David listened to God.

Asking for divine direction is the best thing to do in all situations. I am learning a little bit about this. I have not sought divine direction in many situations and have taken them into my own hands. I end up in more trouble than before by acting impulsively or rashly and that's when I start asking God. Whoa. Only asking God when I get myself into a mess? It's not the way to go. I know it well, but I am selfish. I want to control my life and I want to do what I want to do. I have been like this for much of my life and I don't have very much experience in asking for divine direction.

Typical? Yes. It's the culture. It's the American way of life. It is also the worldly way, but it is very emphasized and marketed in America. Nike's "Just do it" slogan says it all. Burger King's "Have it your way" slogan says it all. Well, I don't want it anymore. I want to be a part of a bigger story, the story that God wrote for me. I am not my own author, but God. He has the big picture and my picture or story I try to write for myself is just an itty-bitty part of it. I feel lost in this little picture I have for myself. Of course, I'll never see the big picture. Faith will just have to do while He leads me, weaving my life into a beautiful love story, which is the intimate relationship with Him. All else will fall into place perfectly.

We stumble through life trying to make a story, wondering why we are here, what our purpose is and how the pieces are supposed to fit together. Try watching a movie by starting in at 20 minutes and stopping at 20 minutes before the end. You wouldn't get the big picture, just a part of it. This is what happens when we write our own stories instead of letting the Author, God, do it. Better yet, He already has your story all written out even before you were wonderfully made in the womb! He wants you to live out that story, if YOU'LL JUST LET HIM orchestrate your life.

So, I want to let Him. It is a battle of the flesh and it is difficult at times to let myself go. My intelligence tells me I can take care of myself and that I can do it. But my faith must be stronger and more child-like. I must become like a child in my mind and say, "I can't do it. I need you to help me Father." God absolutely delights in this! He delights in helping me, I'm sure and I just believe that I am never too much for Him to handle, especially with some of the messes I've been or I've made of myself. He delights in straightening me out and helping me out of the miry clay. He is LOVE, He can't help it. He'll do it, no matter what.

I mentioned in my last post that I would be writing on divine direction. I'm glad I stuck to my word. I wanted to write about divine direction because of the situation I'm in with my house. I wanted to do the right thing. I wanted to make sure it was the voice of God speaking to me, guiding me in all steps. I am glad to have this divine direction and it seems that all will turn out good. It's taking time and it seems slow, but it is being done in God's perfect timing. I had actually prayed that the house will be sold and out of my hands, but it looks like I may have the house in my name for six months more and up to a year at the most, but I am trusting God. Mr. Grimes, the broker, has mentioned a couple of times that they way it is being handled is helping both parties, the buyers and I, financially in these hard economic times, so it has been a blessing. The rent the buyers are paying before acquiring a mortgage goes towards the purchase of the home and I will simply let them take over the loan or they will buy for principal amount. No haggling or negotiating the market price. Simple.

Thank you, Lord. I need more divine direction and you know I will be asking you! I know you delight in directing me in your story and that you delight in rewarding me during the story and in the end. Amen.